Enjoy the Hunger

Oh man, I fake ate soooo much yesterday. I went crazy with it. It feels so reckless to make all that food. I almost laugh to myself. I made two bagels. One with strawberry cream cheese and one with butter and boy were they good. And then when I throw the remains away in the toliet I just look at all that food that is NOT inside of my body and I feel empty and happy. I'm getting crazy lol. I enjoy the feeling of hunger. My brain relates it now with success and skininess. When I feel hungry, I feel that I'm winning. I rarely do get very hungry, but when I do, I make myself enjoy it.

Whenever you feel like giving up, stop yourself and really think. Why are you doing this? To get skinny. To help yourself. To have control of your life. And of course the difficult parts will come. You will get hungry. But remember thats all part of it! Enjoy the hunger! Don't feed yourself, feed your self esteem! Hunger=skinny=happy :)

I can't remember what I actually consumed yesterday since I fake ate so much. I ran out of the room to spit out food I took bites of when my friends were over. I know I ate two bowls of cereal- each one half cup. Im making myself measure everything now. So thats a total of 190 cals plus milk so around lets say 230 cals max. And I know I actually ate atleast one granola bar. So thats a total of atleast 340. I had two glasses of skim milk so thats about a total of 500. I don't think I actually ate anything else, unless I'm forgetting something.

I even fake ate chocolate. Wow I was so indulgant yesterday. I guess its good to cheat once in a while. Except I cheated cheating bc I didn't actually consume any of it. I want to cut down the fake eating though. I feel like it violates my ana principles of discipline and restriction. Oh well, atleast I worked out alot yesterday.

This morning for breakfast I had that high protein cereal (go lean crunch- excellent) with skim milk so lets say about 230 for breakfast. Right now I am drinking muscle milk. Omg its so amazing. 220 calories which is alot but 25 grams of protein! And tons of vitamins. Theres some fat but nearly zero saturated fat and you need to consume fat to absorb vitamins so not too bad. This is will be last thing I consume today. Except for coffee of course. I have school work and class but I'm definitely getting to the gym at some point today.